From: Michael Lawrie Subject: Re: Aztec women versus the Ninja slime Date: Wed, 1 Apr 92 9:19:25 BST > >my thigh, I have never had a bruise that big before! Oh well... I set > >fire to my bedroom shortly after, that wasn't my week... ^^^ > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > I have to ask. I HAVE to ask. It's not that exciting really, I am used to setting fire to things 'coz me and fire don't seem to mix. It all started when my venus fly trap finally died, I have this theory with plants that they need a bit of adrenalin to make them grow better, so if one fails I line the rest up and let them watch their old friend being cremated... I poured the petrol over the fly trap and took out a Zippo, it was empty so I had to fill it up, as is usual with zippos I managed to spill half the petrol over my hand and arm, and dabbed it off with some tissue which I then dropped on the floor.... Anyway, by now in a hurry to get this cremation over, I lit the zippo, lit the plant, accidentally lit my arm, somehow managed to light the tissue on the floor and eventually threw the whole lot into the bin (minus the arm but plus some eyebrows and a lot of hair off the back of my hand). This then set fire to the contents of the bin until I put the lid on, but that didn't last long since being a plastic bin it melted the bottom. The plant sprayer then came in useful for the 1st time ever and saved my carpet from too much more damage, if I'd used it on the plant in the 1st place none of this would ever have happened I doubt! You may be thinking "What a plonker" by now, believe me, although on a larger scale it doesn't begin to compare with the time I set my terminal on fire because I was balancing a lit Zippo on a pork pie... But that's an even more convoluted story! -- Michael Lawrie, systems group. HICOM: Communications and information for the world HCI community. From: Michael Lawrie Subject: pork pie. (fwd) Date: Fri, 10 Apr 92 9:28:34 BST X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.3 PL0 (LUT)] I'm afraid you'll get this twice now, coz I screwed up the last one, I could have left it as it was but I guess it demands some explanation ;-) Forwarded message: > > I was sitting on Cheeseplant's house yesterday, quite happily spodding (Cheeseplant's house, a UK talk system thing) (Spod, to spod is to sit on talk systems or muds wasting time) > away, and filling my Zippo with petrol. Fine, as usual I wasn't really > concentrating so I poured petrol all over my hand and desk. Now I don't > like petrol on my hands so, to get it off, I lit it - Fine, it burned > off so I shook it out and must have touched the desk top. I was on the > phone to Jon too at the time and the desk set alight. I dropped the > phone, moaned a bit and put the desk fire out. I thought that was it > so I let the Zippo burning balancing on top of my pork pie to burn off > the overfill of petrol... Then someone knocked at the door so I had to > go and answer it - It was Jayce come to get me to go home, so I started > to lock up - Went into the terminal room and turned the photocopier off > but accidentally turned the wrong plug and turned Polly (one of the > VAX-Stations off instead). Screamed and ranted about this for a couple > of seconds and walked back into my office to check the network was > still ok, I walked in the door to find my keyboard was on fire in a > pretty impressive display of large yellow flames and black thick smoke. > Managed to blow this out, sulked a lot about the charred hole in my > desk where the Zippo had fallen off the pork pie and finally examined > the keyboard (which was still working funnily enough). Anyway, at this > point people noticed Polly had gone and came to hassle me about why their > edits were failing, so not only had I set fire to my desk I also had an > audience of people who wanted to go home, wanted to make sure their day's > work wasn't ruined and were witnessing the charred remains of my desk and > keyboard. > > In all, yesterday night was not the best night of my life. -- Michael Lawrie, systems group. HICOM: Communications and information for the world HCI community.